I sort of avoided writing this post for a while, since it’s bound to ruffle some feathers. I’ve touched on it before, but not in any real depth. So here it is: Winnipeg (well, Manitoba) has some weird wedding traditions. And by weird I mean, sort of unsavoury (the “weird” was more for alliterative purposes). Where should I begin? At the beginning.

The Social

The wedding  social is one of things that a lot of Manitobans are fiercely proud of, and yet is completely foreign to most people outside of the province. People throw socials as fundraisers for all sorts of reasons, but a fundraiser for a wedding? I had seriously never heard of this until I moved here. Apparently, they do have versions of this sort of event elsewhere in the country – I think they’re sometimes called cabarets in Saskatchewan, and Buck n’ Does or Stag n’ Does in some parts of Ontario – but here, it’s all socials, all the time.

The concept is this: you need money to pay for your wedding. So you throw a party, and sell tickets to everyone you know. You rent a hall and book a DJ. Then at the party, you sell alcoholic beverages and tickets to “rainbow auctions” (formerly known as Chinese auctions, but really just raffles) for prizes donated by family and friends.  To your guests, you provide snacks like Old Dutch ripple chips and pretzels throughout the evening. Towards the end, you bring out the “social food”: rye bread, kolbassa and rolled up sandwich meats, and cubed cheese, along with jars of mayo and mustard so you can make a sandwich.  If done well, you can walk away with thousands of dollars of profits and voila! Your wedding is paid for! After all, social-goers pay $10 or $12 for their ticket, spend another $20 (or more) on booze, and another $10 or $20 (or more) on auction tickets. The particularly rowdy ones will easily spend $100 — a tipsy social-goer and his money are soon parted.

Now, apparently this tradition has well-meaning roots. From what I understand, a couple’s wedding party would organize and host this event for the bride and groom, instead of holding multiple showers, stags, stagettes, etc. Since it was likely the couple was young, and still living at home, the social (“A social evening in honour of… “) and its proceeds were a gift, a trousseau of sorts, to the couple from the wedding party and community. This scenario is not particularly offensive to me. However, this tradition has morphed into an additional wedding event, and most often hosted by the couple themselves, for the ostensible purpose of paying for their wedding.  I know someone who remembers precisely the first time she was asked to buy tickets to a couple’s own social – it was that surprising and unusual – but now, it’s pretty commonplace.

When I was getting married, I had quite a few people ask me, “So when’s your social?” Notice, they weren’t asking “Are you having a social?” And it was pretty interesting to hear their responses when I said we weren’t having one (I learned quickly to stay politically neutral on this topic – saying that we just wanted to keep things simple). Some people asked me why not, and it was like they were genuinely distressed that we weren’t having one. “But you can make so much money!!” Others were almost relieved on my behalf, and said that it would save a lot of time and energy.

In a previous post, I wrote that “I still feel a little conflicted about the concept of fundraising for weddings, even though it seems like it’s basically the same pool of money (and crushing sense of guilt and obligation) that passes from one couple to the next.” It’s like an extremely well-oiled system of microloans, because the Manitoba Code of Professional Socials Conduct dictates that if someone comes to your social, you must attend theirs. But the guilt doesn’t stop there.  To get out of buying tickets for a social – any social, it would seem – you had better have a really good excuse!

There are varying degrees of commitment and support when it comes to socials. At one end, you buy a ticket to assuage your guilty feelings, but have no intention of actually going (and everyone knows this is exactly what you’re doing. You’re not fooling anyone).  Or maybe you donate a prize to be raffled off. A typical level of involvement would be to buy a ticket and attend, and while there, drink and try to win the “lottery ticket tree” (which now apparently has changed to “lottery tickets encased in a picture frame”). On the extreme end (if you are in the wedding party or are a family member) you do all of the above, plus sell tickets to anyone you’ve ever known plus anyone those people have ever known, help set up the social, help take down the social, and probably clean some puke up. Now that’s love.

So what? If everyone is a willing participant, what’s the big deal? Well, some would argue that the whole thing is akin to saying “Please come to my house for dinner. But I can’t afford to make the meal, so please bring me a cheque to help me cover my costs.” I have also heard of plenty of couples who did not need the money but had socials anyway, because it is part and parcel of the whole sequence of wedding traditions in these parts. So what if the proceeds are actually going to pay for your honeymoon? Or basement renovation. Or 52″ flat screen TV. Everyone does it. (Well, not everyone, but a lot of people.) Does that make it right?

Here is a list of justifications people give when defending socials. (The fact that they have them ready begs the question of whether they know socials are sort of controversial to begin with.)

• Having a social will let us have the wedding of our dreams that we wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford
• A social gives people who will not be invited to the wedding an opportunity to share our joy
• It’s a fun way to celebrate with the whole gang before the wedding
• Everybody has a social. It’s just what we do in Manitoba.

I don’t know. I don’t buy any of these. First, couples should have the wedding that they can afford, period.

Second, you think anyone’s consoled by the fact that they didn’t get invited to the wedding, but at least they’ve been invited to help pay for it? And don’t even get me started on socials for destination weddings. Or the idea that businesses should donate prizes, as if your wedding is a charity!

And third, fun? The guests are likely having a great time, but I know brides who were a million times more stressed out about the social than they were about the wedding. And for good reason! If the social flops, you’re out a couple thousand bucks. Seems to me like people’s priorities are a bit out of whack.

The last reason (“everyone is doing it, so why shouldn’t we?) is the only one that I think has any merit. Right or wrong, it’s a cultural custom, so of course there are bound to be outsiders who think it’s weird (or unsavoury). Does it really matter what I, an outsider until quite recently, think?

Okay, now, a lot of people I know and love had socials. Whether they chose to have them for one of the reasons listed above, I don’t know – I figure it’s not really my business. I attended exactly one of them, and I had a blast (and won not one, but two really, really good prizes). From what I understand, the couple had gone above and beyond the call of duty for this social: the food was outstanding, the prizes really desirable.  And I loved them, so I was happy to go – it was basically a big party, after all, with fun people and good music. I can’t remember if “Love Shack” was played, but I know there was definitely no polka.

But I also know a handful of people who didn’t have socials, because it was just too much work, or their wedding party never offered to hold one, or the idea of having a social made them uncomfortable. Recently I heard about a local woman who told her son that if he had a social, she wouldn’t attend his wedding.  She was dead serious – she thought they were tacky and embarrassing. So he didn’t have a social. It would seem that not everyone in Manitoba is wild about them, for a variety of reasons.

Ultimately, it doesn’t really bother me to be invited to buy tickets to a social, and maybe that’s because I know I have a “I’m not from here” trump card to get out of having to buy one. But it seems like for many people, after the first few times, going to socials is not really anyone’s idea of a good time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard strangers grumbling about “having” to go to a social. People in my age range (late twenties to mid-thirties) seem to have a pretty severe case of social burnout – what was initially a fun and novel way to spend a Saturday night has now become sort of like a trip to the dentist – one of those things you just have to do every now and then.  I asked a 30-something friend to estimate how many socials he’d been to in his life, and he immediately said, “Oh, I don’t know, 20?” Then his wife made him start naming names, and he realized it was more like 45. No wonder he said he’s through with socials!

But then, I think of A&G, good friends of ours who met 20 years ago as teenagers at a social in rural Manitoba. They’re now married with three beautiful kids. If not for socials – which were basically the only way for really-small town teens to socialize – they never would have met. And that gives me a warm and fuzzy, “only in Manitoba” sort of feeling.

So, what do you guys think? Do you think socials are fun and in fact, one of Manitoba’s most beloved cultural institutions? Do you have social burnout and hope you never have to go to another one again? Or are you somewhere in the middle – just happy to party with your friends, no matter the reason or occasion?

Here’s your chance to reveal your true feelings – under the veil of internet anonymity!

Next on Weird Wedding Traditions of Winnipeg: presentation.

I had to laugh this morning when I heard a reporter say that police “While Portage & Main is a popular place for crowds to gather and celebrate, it is a very busy intersection, so police are encouraging revelers to party at The Forks.”  Um, the point of gathering there is that it’s a busy intersection… maybe even the busiest intersection in town. And without question, a highly recognizable Winnipeg landmark. It makes sense that this is where people gather. Power to ‘em! It looks like yes, the official party is underway at the Forks, but there’s just something so cool about citizens appropriating a space like this. It’ll be interesting to see where the party winds up. It just might be wherever Dancin’ Gabe is.

I’m not even that big of a hockey fan, but it’s a great morning to be a Winnipegger!

But never fear, we managed to enjoy a little Festival in the comfort of our own home, when some friends came for a visit and brought along a bottle of caribou. I choked back one shot, but we concurred caribou just isn’t the same a) if it’s not in an ice glass and b) if you’re not actually at Festival.

Fortunately, whilst at the LC last weekend, I picked up a couple of cans of Fort Gibraltar Premium Lager (made especially by the Fort Garry Brewing Co. for FDV) so we could pretend we were in the snow bar at least once! And I’ve been checking out some awesome pictures from Festivals past from the U of M archives (I think I found this from someone on Twitter but can’t remember who – but a hat tip to you, whoever you are!).

So I’m sad to have missed out this year, but it makes me that much more excited to go next year. I’m really looking forward to taking my little guy to the fiddling and jigging competitions – I think he’ll love the music – and by that point he will be old enough to go on the big snow slide. But I’ll also be sure to plan some adult-only time going to shows and getting reacquainted with my old friends caribou and pea soup!

Hé ho — bon festival!

Over the past couple of years I’ve been to watch my husband and his team curl at various clubs around town during the MCA Bonspiel, and each one has its own atmosphere and charm.  There’s something so comforting and homey about them. From the old school logos to the well-worn ceramic mugs of coffee (according to my brother, “rink coffee” is some of life’s best), I love how stepping into a curling club feels stepping into a time machine, in the best possible way.

My home club is in St. Adolphe, and I’ll be honest: my favourite thing about it is the plastic cup of OV and basket of delicious, salty popcorn (that costs only fifty cents!) that follow a game.

While I’m on the subject of curling, we’ve been watching the new CBC series “Men With Brooms“. It’s pretty funny, and way better than the movie. And it’s filmed at the Fort Rouge Curling Club, which several of my family members swear has the best pizza of any club in town.

Which is your favourite Winnipeg (or Manitoba) curling club, and why?

It was a gorgeous, sunny day and one of the bands my husband manages, Johnny Cajun, was playing a set, so we Snugglied up our now 2-month old and headed over to the Forks for some fresh air and lively tunes.

The riverfront was full of people happily taking in the music and blue skies. The river taxi was doing runs back and forth, and from their location on a barge the band played on!

Upcoming acts include Greg MacPherson, Chic Gamine, Sierra Noble , Fred Penner and many others. I hope you get a chance to go over the next few days!

When I first moved to Winnipeg last year, I was already familiar with some of the more popular/interesting outdoors hangouts. I had been to the Forks, explored the Exchange, shopped at Polo Park and ventured all the way down to the University of Manitoba (which is about as far south as I’ve been since I’ve moved here). However, one place I had never been too, or even really heard of for that matter, was Assiniboine Park. I stumbled upon the park last spring, when I went there for a work-related bbq lunch. Since then, I’ve been back numerous times with friends, visiting family, and solo. I tend to be fond of urban parks.  I love Stanley and Queen Elizabeth parks in Vancouver. I was impressed by the Toronto Islands Park. I’ve experienced Central Park, Hyde Park, and many more in Europe; but I have to say, Winnipeg has a pretty nice park in Assiniboine and here are some reasons why (in no particular order):

Number one: It’s larger than Stanley Park in Vancouver. Not by much mind you, but it is (I looked it up). Plus, unlike Stanley Park, it doesn’t have a major traffic artery bisecting the park in two.

Number two: Assiniboine Park has some pretty cool gardens. The formal English garden was very nice stroll through last summer, but I was most impressed with the Leo Mol Sculpture Garden. I had never heard of Leo Mol before I moved here, so I was surprised to find an entire garden filled with his creations. However, I was quickly impressed with how nicely it was all laid out, and quite entertained by the variety of creative sculptures. The small display building and courtyard area in the middle of the garden is a wonderful spot, which was made even better when I discovered the (free) live Sunday jazz series in the garden last summer. You don’t get that in Vancouver!

Number three: All the trails through the gardens, forests and fields, around the duck pond and along the river make the park a great place to walk. It’s so nice to get a walk through the forest without leaving the convenience (and mosquito controlled confines) of the city. Plus, you get a great walking bridge over the river that leads directly to a delicious ice cream stand. Bingo!

Number four: Trains, planes and automobiles. Assiniboine has a miniature railway which, even though I haven’t experienced yet, I always appreciate. Also, there’s the cool old CN steam engine near the south gate. As for planes, with the airport just across the river, the park fields are a great place for plane spotting. It’s pretty cool, and a bit unnerving to see A320s and 737s flying that low right above you. Sometimes I get the urge to wave, thinking someone might actually see me and wave back! And of course, the park also has one key feature that would endear itself to any Winnipegger: abundant free parking!

Finally, number five: The Lyric Theatre at the Pavilion. I have been to the Lyric twice now, camped out with my folding chair on a prime piece of real estate, to see the WSO perform a free show on a gorgeous summer evening. This is a perfect combination and the best bang for my entertainment dollar (even after the well-deserved donation). This year, I will endeavour to experiment and try out more free performances at the Lyric; the Big Band Series looks promising, and I’ve heard that I need to see Moses Mayes, so I will have to make the trip a few times this summer. That’s not too difficult since even the drive to the park all the way down Corydon is rather pleasant (though I’m always tempted to pull over and have a beer or cappuccino on a bustling patio.)

There are many other things to enjoy in Assiniboine Park that I didn’t mention in my list. The conservatory is nice and I expect this is especially so in the winter. There’s the zoo, which I’ve enjoyed as well, though I have mixed feelings about zoos. I have yet to sample the park in winter mode, but I’m looking forward to taking my skis out there next winter.

What’s your favourite place/thing/aspect of Assiniboine Park? Do you have other favourite parks in the city or places you like to go for a quick nature getaway? I know I’m curious to try out FortWhyte Alive. I’d like to hear some of your suggestions too!

-Ian

Get married? Check.

Buy a house? Done.

Have a baby…  any time now!

Yep, my husband and I will welcome our first child very shortly, and since pregnancy is such a major life event, the last nine months have given me a real education in expectation. Reflecting on it all  has inspired me to share a bit about what I’ve discovered – I hope it will be of some use to fellow expectant parents in the city.  I’m certainly no pro, but I have managed to figure some things out!

Doctors, Obstetricians & Midwives

One of the most frustrating things about moving to a new city is getting yourself set up with new healthcare providers.  When I found out I was pregnant, I hadn’t yet found a family doctor, and that was pretty stressful (as if there aren’t other things on your mind when you’re in your first trimester, like not throwing up!). The Family Doctor Connection did not prove to be particularly helpful – I wound up just searching the internet for Winnipeg medical clinics accepting new patients and eventually did get into one.

Eventually I was referred to an obstetrician who think is great, but when I found out that pregnant women in Manitoba can choose to work with a doctor or a midwife, I was disappointed that I hadn’t pursued the latter option. Fortunately, we’ve been able to somewhat bridge the differing styles of prenatal care by hiring a doula who has been meeting with us regularly over the last few months, and who will be with us when our baby is born.

Midwives are funded through the province of Manitoba and can generally attend hospital and home births. Be forewarned, though: there’s a shortage of midwives in the province. According to this Free Press item, the province funds about 40, but needs more like 200.  Apparently, the College of Midwives is turning away more than half the people who want a midwifery birth. You can see a list of all midwife practices here. (Midwives support low-risk home and hospital births – pretty cool.)

Hospital Births

In Winnipeg, only St. Boniface Hospital and the Health Sciences Centre (HSC) have maternity wards.  I’ll be delivering at St. B,  which is made up of private, LDRP (labour/delivery/recovery/postpartum) rooms, and semi-private rooms. You can take a monthly “virtual tour” of the St. B maternity ward every 2nd Thursday of the month. The first half hour/45 minutes is a powerpoint presentation by an anaesthesiologist, addressing drug options for labour. The second half is a slide show and presentation by a labour & delivery nurse, and for me, this part of the presentation was much more valuable. The nurse shared when to come to the hospital, and what to bring, and answered the question that everyone wants to know: how do I get a private LDRP room? (The answer is sort of complicated, but I was relieved to know that even if you don’t get an LDRP room, you still have your own room for labour, delivery, and recovery. It’s only after the delivery that you’ll be sharing a room.)

Also of great interest to me is the construction of a free-standing birthing centre (“Women’s Health Clinic”) that is scheduled to begin by Spring of 2011. It’s expected to handle 500 births per year, and “will include a primary-care clinic and four birthing rooms, and facilities for education and counselling.” (CBC News item)

Ultrasounds

Sorry ladies, this ain’t the United States, where if you believe what you see on A Baby Story, you’d get a whole bunch of chances to see your little one in utero. In Manitoba, I’ve been told, and it was my experience, that unless you’re high risk, you’ll probably get one ultrasound at around 20 weeks. And it’s for medical purposes, not to determine the sex of the baby. (Don’t bother to ask if it’s a boy or a girl, because apparently they won’t tell you! At St. B, anyway. I’m not sure about HSC.) At St. Boniface, you can order a DVD of your ultrasound for $50 (allow  weeks for processing). This was a hard reality for me to learn, since all I wanted was one snapshot to show family and friends, and tuck into a baby book. In the end we opted save some money (am I becoming a frugal Winnipegger, or what??) and to forego the ultrasound DVD. If you’re willing to pay, BabyMoon and UC Baby are private ultrasound clinics that offer a variety of photo/DVD/etc. packages.

Doulas (a.k.a. labour coaches)

As I mentioned earlier, we found a wonderful doula through Birth Roots Doula Collective who has been meeting with us over the last few months and will be with us when I go into labour. She has been an excellent source of information, reassurance, and support and we feel very lucky to be working with her. While doulas (personal labour coaches) aren’t paid for by the province, most have a sliding scale fee policy… we are paying the full Birth Roots price at $575+tax. Other organizations such as MACFE (a non-profit) charge less.

Incidentally, word on the street is that doula services in Manitoba are way underpriced. A friend of mine in Calgary who is also expecting looked into getting a doula, and the least expensive service they found cost $900. I have heard that doulas in Toronto often charge $1000. We’ve had such a positive experience with our doula so far that I’m sure we would happily pay a higher rate, if it were required.

Prenatal classes, activities & networking

One of the downsides of moving away from your old friends is that once “baby fever” hits your gang, you may find, as I did, that you want to be around other expectant mothers but don’t know any! Fortunately I’ve been able to meet some other pregnant women through prenatal classes and prenatal yoga, both of which are held at Birth Roots. I’ve especially enjoyed the 8-week yoga class, as we generally had group discussions both before and after the class. Moksha Yoga also offers prenatal yoga, and the Winnipeg Leisure Guide lists several pre-and postnatal (and pre-/postnatal friendly) classes including yoga, aquafit, exercise, etc.

Two online forums have been somewhat useful, too: Baby Center’s Parents in Manitoba board and What to Expect’s Canadian Parents board.

Maternity & baby clothing and gear

I’ve had a lot of luck finding gently worn maternity clothes at Mom’s and Children’s Paradise, got my winter coat at Motherhood Maternity, and almost never left Thyme without something cute! As for baby gear, a colleague told me early on to watch the Zellers flyers because they routinely have big sales in the baby department… and it’s true, they do! E-Children is a smaller chain whose Winnipeg store in located in the Exchange, and they have really lovely cribs, bassinets, bedding, furniture, etc. there. We purchased cloth diapers from a local mother/daughter team who runs Canada’s Diaper Ladies. I’ve also heard good things about AMP Diapers.

And again, I wouldn’t be a thrifty Winnipegger if I didn’t scope out a bunch of garage sales a couple weekends back, and score a bunch of barely-used clothes, a Snugli, and a diaper bag for a fraction of what they would have cost new. (On a related note, this year I discovered that there are somewhat regular “community garage sales” where entire neighbourhoods plan their sales on the same weekend… I visited the Whyte Ridge sales on May 8, and the Linden Woods sale is right around the corner on June 5.)

I’ve also made excellent use of Winnipeg Public Library‘s extensive collection of pregnancy and baby name books. I’m looking forward to taking the little one to some WPL programming eventually, too!

Anyway, that’s about it (I know, this was a novel) from me on this topic. I’d love to hear about others’ experiences, tips, and comments about preparing for a baby in Manitoba… it can be an overwhelming and anxious time of life, so the more we can share with each other, the better

On Thursday May 13, there will be two presentations of Of Songs and Battles (“De chants et de batailles”), a fascinating look at the history of Francophone community in Manitoba, produced by the CJP.  I had the pleasure of seeing this reading (accompanied by live music from Kin) last year at the CUSB and left the event feeling proud, inspired, angry, and in awe of the tireless efforts of francophones in this province.

Are you planning on going to the world’s largest social (at any of the 63 satellite locations), or any other events during the 4-day blitz in Neepawa? Let me know how it goes!

Some of you may know that when I’m not blogging about Winnipeg, I run the library at a law firm. I’ve been working in the library field since 2003, and I love my job! Even though I work in the private sector, I still feel pretty passionately about supporting other types of libraries, especially public and school libraries.

A few weeks ago, library CUPE Local 500 members took to the streets outside the Millennium Branch of the Winnipeg Public Library, handing out information about their Positively Public campaign and  trying to raise awareness about cuts to library funding. I got one of these pamphlets and have been thinking about it ever since. I had just started to formulate this post when I got an email from a blog reader on the same topic. This is an issue on many citizens’ minds.

If you care about the Winnipeg Public Library, you should let your city councillor know that you’re opposed to budget cuts that will  reduce staffing  and funding to our valuable community institution. The City of Winnipeg’s Adopted Operating Budget 2009 shows that jobs have been (and will continue to be) eliminated and overall library funding will be cut (see pp.108-109). Plus, they’re talking about outsourcing (privatizing) the cataloguing department.

This is despite steadily rising visits to the library (both in-person and to the library’s website), increasing numbers of library card holders, increasing computer bookings and use of online databases. It makes no sense to me.

I really believe that people use the library more and less at different times of their lives. Many talk about library use going up during times of economic difficulty, but I think it’s more than that. To give just one example: a young professional with tons of disposable income may not think of going to the library all that often. But a few years down the road when that young professional is now a young parent, the library with its endless supply of kids’ books and CDs and free, quality programming starts to look a little more appealing. Even if libraries don’t seem that important to you just now, I guarantee that you will be grateful for them at some point down the road. Your neighbours will be, too.

Libraries aren’t just about books – far from it. They are community institutions that promote literacy, provide access to information, offer cultural and entertainment activities, support newcomers, students, and job-seekers, provide resources in alternate formats for people with disabilities… the list is endless. Every cut to library funding takes away from what services WPL can offer. We’re not just talking about fewer book acquisitions, we’re talking short staffing, longer waits for service, and fewer programs.

So, the best thing you can do is let your city councillor know that you want to see increases, not decreases, to the WPL’s staffing and overall funding. The best people to run a community institution are the library that live in the community, so be sure also let your feelings about outsourcing be known. A recent article in the Globe & Mail explained how to get a politician’s attention (tip: a personal e-mail is often the best way). And, oh yeah, keep using your library! (I’m off to email my councillor.)

According to my trusty “Manitoba Book of Everything” this is what kids here often say instead of “Trick or Treat!”. I’d never heard of it until I moved here, and sort of have the idea that it might be something people used to say (see  Aaron Schwartz remembers Halloween in Ashern, MB and Willy Cole remembers Halloween in East Selkirk, MB) but do they anymore? I’ll find out!

Growing up in Alberta we said “Trick or Treat!”, but also joked around with a little song that went “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat” – how charming, now that I think of it.

Did you grow up saying “Halloween Apples”?  Or something else?