Wrap it up, I’ll take it!

March 2nd, 2009 by Aaron

Most non-Manitobans know a good wrap when they see one. Whether a delicious lunch wrap, a nicely folded Christmas wrap, or a cold abating shawl-type wrap; wraps are great, and usually derive from necessity. Myself a newly minted Winnipegger, I am noticing a unique and certainly necessary sort of wrap in all corners of the city. You deserve kudos, Winnipeg, for advancing the most ingenious wrap to date. In your honour, I call it the Winnipeg Wrap!

Encircling a side view mirror near you (I guarantee there’s one adorning at least one car on your block), the Winnipeg Wrap (WW) is the clever lovechild of style and function. Surely those resourceful Selkirk settlers were prophesising its glory back in the 1800s. In order to determine whether or not you need a WW, I have devised a particularly informative quiz. Once your response to a question is “No,” please discontinue the quiz. However, finish reading the quiz in the event that you may someday need this information.

1.    Do you live in Winnipeg?
2.    Do you own a vehicle?
3.    Does your vehicle have one of the following (it doesn’t matter which one):
a)    A block heater?
b)    A pan heater?
c)    A random extension cord protruding from the grill or hood?
4.    Do you scratch your head and wonder why that extension cord is so long?
5.    Do you wonder why extension cords are only available in hideous colours?
(Bonus Question: continue even if your answer to #5 is “No”)
6.    Do you wish there is a creative way to store your long a) block heater,
b) pan heater, or c) frivolous, purely decorative extension cord?

Instructions: Simply draw the cord up the length of your car hood, and depending on your mood or convenience, begin winding the cord around the mirror on either the driver or passenger side of the vehicle. Once you finish winding the cord, accentuate your sexy WW with a tight plug tuck (this will ensure you avoid the unpleasant/dangerous situation of the much less popular Winnipeg Un-Wrap). Et voilà! Your Winnipeg Wrap is complete. Now get out there and wrap it up, Winnipeg…it looks good on you!

Appendix A: The Challenge
Keep your eyes peeled for Winnipeg Wraps around the city. If you’re in another city, I’m sorry (However, I also challenge you to find examples of the Winnipeg Wrap that have migrated out of the Keystone province). Note the color of both vehicle and wrap. Note the condition of the wrap i.e. is it tight? Is it loose? Is it all higgledy piggledy around the mirror? If it’s safe to do so, snap a picture of the WW as proof of sighting. Share your stories and experiences as comments on this post, and consider sharing your photos, too!

Appendix B: Winnipeg Wrap: The Game
Former American president George W. Bush is often affectionately known as “Dubya”. I propose “Dub” to be a sensible derivative of this colloquial term; a dub, if you will, with more panache, yet still referencing the letter W. Whenever driving with one or more passengers, the first person to spot a Winnipeg Wrap and yell “Dub Dub” wins! If you’re a passenger, please try not to scare the driver too badly (presumably the driver is playing as well, so really it’s his or her own fault for not noticing the WW first). If you’re driving alone, however, consider it practice time. Get your Winnipeg Wrap game face on!

Exhibit A, the Winnipeg Wrap

Exhibit A, the Winnipeg Wrap

4 Responses to “Wrap it up, I’ll take it!”

  1. Will O'Neill says:

    You guys didn’t start this blog to make fun of Winnipeg, but you won’t be able to help yourselves. 🙂

  2. Pat J says:

    Speaking as a Brandonite — we’ve got the so-called Winnipeg Wraps on cars ‘n’ trucks around here from Octember through to Mapril or so.

  3. Aaron says:

    Oh man…Octember to Mapril. Am I just easily entertained, or is that as funny as I think?
    Thanks for the Winnipeg Wrap sighting information, Pat J. It has been duly noted!

  4. […] winter in Winnipeg again. There are six-foot icicles hanging from the the side of my house and Winnipeg wrap sightings have gone up by about a million percent. Okay, I’m exaggerating of  both of those […]

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